Self Portrait

This one feels more right. The direction it went in feels good so I think I'll pursue it more. I like how it's less defined, less crisp, more raw... plus, those words go along with what the painting's original intent was: I wanted to paint myself as if I were already dead. With that goal in mind, in my eyes I've accomplished what I originally wanted more than with any other piece I've done.

Charcoal Drawing 37 by 42in (something like that)

A drawing I did in 2008. Originally, the idea was simply to have three figures in a doorway, based on a tiny sketch that I did, with only one of the faces visible (though I'm not sure if that was relevant to why I liked the idea). My friend Matt, the model, was wearing a pladded shirt which made the figures blend together even more than I planned. I like it and am thinking of using this for a painting.

Pastel on Paper, about 5 feet in height

This is the first thing I created that I thought was good. Well, not good, but that I was proud of. And I still am. I did it my senior year of college, so 2006 I think. A teacher of mine told me that it might become a monkey on my back, that I might try to "live up" to this thing in the stuff that I create after it. Looking back, I very much did. And was still doing, probably, up to the painting I just completed. I think I've moved on now, but, like I've said, we'll see.

Painting: Oil on wood, 41in by 47in

Drawing: Charcoal on Paper, about the same size, a bit shorter...

I did this drawing during the summer of 2007 when I first moved up to Washington. The house I was staying at in Olypmia had this mattress in the living room thrown carelessly over other furniture. I liked it visually, the repetition of the dimples and what not, as well as the oddity of the thing: an item rendered useless due to its position.

In the beginning, I felt the left hand side needed more. But, when I went to paint it a year later, I decided otherwise. I like certain things about both, but am not satisfied completely with either of them. I see things in the painting that I would change, but I'm not sure if I care enough to do it.

Oil on canvas, 5 by 4 feet

I completed this in June of 2009, taking about 7 months of dedication in order to do so. Now that it's finished, I'm not sure what to think of it. While working on it, I was in love with it. But towards the end I grew to lothe it's presence. In short, it's not the direction I want to go: it conveys a message I don't care to say being spoken in a voice not quite my own. This is not to say that I don't feel it's good; it's a solid painting. But it doesn't feel right.

On that same note, creating this has given me insight as to the direction I DO want to go. So, for that, I'm grateful to it. My current painting feels more in tune with who I am and how I see. But, we'll see.